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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

Jerry Falwell died today, and the world is a better place because of it. I'm not even going to pretend to be respectful to the memory of one of the most evil men who ever walked the earth (for a review of how evil, you can read Max Blumenthal's article here.) I'm just glad he's dead.

I wonder what his first thoughts were when he woke up and found himself in hell. Do you think he was surprised? I don't, really. I think he knew exactly what he was-a divisive manipulator, a hypocrite of the highest order who exploited the fears and prejudices of the weak and stupid in a single minded quest for power. My guess is that he didn't even believe in "God," except as a pawn in his quest to divide and conquer. Hell is just the price he figured he had to pay for mind control and the earthly wealth and power that went with it.

Do you think he'll have an epiphany while burning in the flames of damnation, ala Jacob Marley? Can't you just see him dragging his big ole chain around, trying to spare, say, Pat Robertson from suffering the same fate? Just imagine them in this classic scene...

FALWELL TO ROBERTSON: "It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men! If it goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death! It is doomed to wander through the world! Oh, woe is me! And witness what it cannot share but MIGHT HAVE SHARED on Earth and turned to happiness!"

ROBERTSON: "But it is only that you were a good man of business, Jerry."

FALWELL: "BUSINESS? Mankind was my business! Their common welfare was my business!"

I can't see it happening, though. For one, Jacob Marley was a much better man than Jerry Falwell, because at least he made his money legitimately, not be villifying and demonizing those who were different than he. Marley could not have cared less if two guys were fucking each other in the ass five feet from him as long as they paid their debts on time. For another, Scrooge was capable of reclamation; there's nothing of a human being left in Pat Robertson.

So, good riddance, Jerry. May you rest in eternal agony and damnation worthy of a man of your stature.

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